Bad Influencer/Transcript
Green's house, front yard (Episode title appears as a carving in one of the porch posts made by Cricket.) Cricket: (half-singing) I'm carvin' in Gramma's house, carvin' in Gramma's house, and waitin' for my best friiiieeeeend! (sees Remy's limo) And there he is! Vasquez: I'll get the door, Master Remy. (opens door) Cricket: Hyup...ah! (plows on Vasquez) Remy's here, Remy's here, Remy's here! Remy (OS): Hi, Cricket! (He finds him in the limo watching something from a tablet.) Cricket: Uh...Remy, you gonna...come outside? Remy: Oh! Yeah, sorry. (gets out) Vasquez: Do you require anything else today, Master Remy? (holds up a bag of...) Perhaps your favorite cucumber slices? Remy: No thanks, Vasquez. I'm feeling mirabulous today. And if I need anything, I brought my no limit credit card. FLAUNT YO STACKS! Vasquez: Very good, Master Remy. (He drives the limo away.) Cricket: Wow, Remy. You're in rare form. What was that thing you said? Remy: Oh. HASTAG, FLAUNT YO STAAAACKS! Just like Itchaboi says! Cricket: Itchy Boy? Are you an itchy boy? Gramma's got some lotion inside if you need any. Remy: You haven't heard of Itchaboi? Have you been living under a rock? Cricket: (backs before a rock with the sign "Home Sweet Home") No. Porch (They sit on the porch.) Remy: Well, Itchaboi is my favorite social media influencer. Here, I'll show you a video. (He starts something on the tablet; we see a video of an orange-skinned male celebrity dressed rather punky.) Itchaboi: Wwwwwhat's up, best friends?! It's ya boy, Itchaboi!! (Title: "Itchaboi Vlogs".) Itchaboi: All right, guys. It's Flex On Your Haters Friday, so you know I'm gonna list off everyone who's wronged me! Heh...but first, it's time to HASTAG, FLAUNT YO STAAAAAAACKS! (He approaches someone on the computer.) Blue man: Oh hey, Itchy -- Itchaboi: CASH SLAP! (hits him with a wad of cash, making him fall) Blue man: Ohh...good one, Itchy...! Cricket: I don't get it. He's just got a lot of money and brags about it. Remy: Nuh-uh! He gets real sometimes! (He resumes the video; Itchaboi is being sympathetic.) Itchaboi: What's up, my precious peeps? (removes sunglasses revealing another pair underneath) Are haters trying to offer you valid criticism? If so, support my new initiave: "Negate the Hate". AND CHECK OUT ALL MY NEW MIRABULOUS MERCH! (Several clothing with "#NEGATETHEHATE" superimpose over the screen.) Itchaboi: LINK IN THE DESCRIPTIOOOOOOOOON! '''Cricket:' Bah, you see there? He's just tryin' to sell stuff. (sees Remy now wearing a "#NEGATETHEHATE" t-shirt) Wait, how did you...? Remy: Yeah, I can't help it! He's so genuine, and I wanna support him! (From behind the fence, Benny, Kiki and Weezie are watching.) Benny: Are you guys talking about Itchaboi? Remy: Hey, yay-yah! MIRABULOUS FOR LIIIIFE! Cricket: Remy? REMY! What has gotten into that young man?! (He follows, not realizing Remy's tablet was left on the step. Tilly suddenly picks it up.) Tilly: Oh, hello. What's this? (Zooms to the list of recommended videos, one in particular being a playlist for "100 Hours of Cats".) Tilly: An endless portal of cat videos? (entranced) I may never close my eyes again. Bill: (comes out) Tilly, we've talked about this, you have to blink. Tilly: (looks at him, eyes red and veiny) Hmm? (blinks) Sorry, Papa. I was just perusin'; some world of quality content the internet has to offer. Bill: (sits with her) Who's makin' these videos? Tilly: Anyone can make a video about anything. Here's one you'd like, Papa. (She plays a video of a red-skinned British man.) British host: Hey, guys. Today I'm gonna teach you -- how to grout your tiles with a handy life hack. (We see each grouting instruction as he shows it.) British host: First, plop some eggs on the floor, and then add a little sand. Finally, you just gotta smear it around and really...push...in! Bill: (offended) What is he doin'?! This is all wrong! (repeatedly touches the screen) I'D LIKE TO LAUNCH A COMPLAINT! Tilly: If you're upset about the video, why don't you make your own? Bill: Well, I'd love to spread proper information, but I don't know how to make a video. Tilly: It's okay, Papa. I'll help! I'll be your director. (She records Bill from the tablet, he smiles.) Big Coffee, exterior (Remy and the others are watching another Itchaboi video.) Itchaboi: Wwwwwhat's up, my cherished homies? It's ya boy, Itchaboi!! I love you more than your parents ever will. And I got a real special treat for y'all: Today in Big City, I'm opening up the first-ever Hashtag Be Mirabulous pop-up store. OHHHHHHHH, I don't pay taxes! (knocks over a velvet rope) Remy: (gasps) That's nearby! We can take my limo! Cricket: (walks up) Remy, what's goin' on? Don't 'cha wanna follow me around and get into wacky antics like normal? Remy: Oh, sorry, Cricket. (shows a burning fire on his phone) But...if we don't go now, he's gonna burn all his merchandise that doesn't get sold. Itchaboi: EXCLUSIVITYYYY!!!!! Cricket: So...? Remy: Ah, you wouldn't get it, Cricket. You don't really like the internet. Or merch. Kiki: They're already out of posters! WE HAVE TO GO NOW!! (They rush past Cricket.) Remy, Kiki, Benny, Weezie: FLAUNT YO STATS! FLAUNT YO STATS! FLAUNT YO STATS! Cricket: Oh, come on, guys! Come on! Oh, really?! Really, come on, this is ridiculous! (Vasquez arrives) Vasquez, don't you think Remy's gettin' a little too into this nonsense? Vasquez: I think Master Remy's having fun, and doesn't need you ruining it. Don't follow us. Cricket: Oh yeah? Or what? You're gonna beat up a kid, huh? (Vasquez takes out a grappling hook) Wait, wait, what are you doin' with that? (He launches it and ties him to it) No, nonono! (He is pulled away) WHOA! (Vasquez leaves, patting his hands.) Green's house, kitchen (Tilly has the tablet in video mode and sets it on Bill with grouting supplies set up. She puts the tablet on record.) Tilly: And...we're rollin'. Bill: (clears throat) Hello! I'm BillGreen123, and I'm going to show you -- the right way to reapply grout. (Tilly progressively becomes bored, rolling her eyes at the humdrum.) Bill (OS): Strap yourself in, because this is going to be a long and detail-oriented video. (Meowing is heard.) Tilly: Huh? Bill: First and foremost, make sure you've got your grout spreader. (She focuses the tablet on Dirtbag, who is on the counter digging in a bag of flour.) Bill (OS): Or a float, as we call it in the biz. (Dirtbag comes out of the bag and sneezes; Tilly giggles.) Bill (OS): Uh...Tilly? (reveals he isn't focused on) Am I...still in the shot? Tilly: Papa, I gotta be honest with you. I don't think anyone's gonna watch this video. Bill: But I'm speakin' clearly and concisely about grout! Tilly: That may be true, but people nowadays have short attention spans. You gotta keep them distracted with cats. (hands him Dirtbag) Bill: Uh, if...you say so. (She restarts the recording; Dirtbag is on Bill's shoulder.) Bill: Hi! I'm BillGreen123, and this is our cat. (Dirtbag jumps off...) Oop! (...and knocks over the pail of grout) Uhhhhh...h-here, let-let me help you there. (He reaches toward Dirtbag, who suddenly bites him in the palm.) Bill: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Tilly gives the signal for "keep going"; Bill forces a smile and gives a thumbs-up, before he starts using the spreader with Dirtbag still biting his hand.) Bill: (straining) Now remember...don't let any...setbacks keep you from...gettin' the tile floor...of your dreams! Tilly: This is gold. Mirabulous store, interior (Various townsfolk are inside the store wearing Itchaboi-related garb.) Remy: I came here to buy everything! Cricket: (hiding in a rack of hoodies) Somebody's gotta talk some sense into Remy! (someone pulls the rack away) Whoa! (Remy, Kiki, Weezie and Benny all pose, now wearing Itchaboi getup of their own.) Benny: This costs 800 dollars! Remy: Aww, yeah! Now we're officially mirabulous! Cricket: (comes forward) Remy! (shakes a hoodie away) Okay, look, I didn't wanna mess with your fun, but I'm startin' to feel like this whole thing is a scam! Remy: Really, Cricket? Now you just sound like one of Itchaboi's haters. Cricket: No, I'm not "hater", I just feel very strongly that this Itchaboi guy is stringing you along! Kiki, Benny, Weezie: Hater. Cricket: Okay, you three are hopeless. But Remy, this isn't you! You never cared about flankin' your stakes or whatever before this weirdo showed up! Remy: You just don't get it, Cricket! Itchaboi's message is about spreading positivity by buying merchandise, so that other people know how much positivity are spreading! Cricket: Oh...Remy, buddy, you gotta know how stupid that sounds! Remy: I thought you were my friend! But face it, Cricket: You a hater. (He snaps; on cue, Vasquez arrives.) Cricket: Huh? (he is carried out) Whoa! Remy, wait! I'm just tryin' to help! Green's house, living room (Bill and Gramma sit before Tilly on the couch.) Tilly: Welcome, distinguished guests, to the world premiere of Papa's instructional grout video. Although, I may have taken a few creative liberties. (She plays the video.) Bill: Hello! I'm BillGreen123, and I'm going to show you -- the right way to reapply grout. Distorted voice: GROUT. (An offscreen audience laughs.) Bill: To your kitchen tile. (Suddenly skips to the part where Dirtbag jumps off Bill's shoulder and spills the pail of grout.) Bill: Oop! Uhhhhh... (voice raising in pitch) Uhhhhh -- Uhhhhh -- Uhhhhh -- (Zoom to Bill as the view flashes in inverted colors; he reaches for Dirtbag as crazy music plays.) Bill: H-here, let-let me help you there. (Dirtbag bites him; zoom to Bill as an alarm goes off.) Bill: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Distorted voice: GROUT. (The bite is repeated twice; shows two images of Bill in splitscreen.) Bill: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Distorted voice: GROUT. (Dirtbag sneezes from the flower; Bill coughs; another bite.) Bill: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (A rainbow shoots out of his mouth with hot dogs and cat faces, even Gramma who tumbles out.) Gramma: What's this for now? (Music stops; Bill is spreading the grout with Dirtbag still biting him.) Distorted voice: GROUT. (Close-up of Dirtbag; he meows with eyes glowing red, then the view turns red and becomes pixelated before it suddenly "malfunctions" and turns off.) Distorted voice: GROUT. (End card: a doodle of Tilly.) Tilly (VO): Made by Tilly. (Video ends.) Tilly: So, what'd ya think? Bill: Well, I... Gramma: (laughing hysterically; continues under) Bill: Anyway, the video is very interesting, but...where's all the grout information? Tilly: Oh, that stuff just wasn't playin'. I think this is what the people are gonna wanna see. Bill: Well...you're the director. (sadly gets up and leaves) All right, I'm gonna go finish groutin' the kitchen tile. Gramma: Ha-ha-ha...I don't know what's wrong with Bill! This is comedy gold! (Tilly suddenly feels regretful.) Mirabulous store, interior (A video of Itchaboi plays on the monitors.) Itchaboi: What's good, ma' sweet buds? You mean the world to me! (Everyone watching the video cheers.) Itchaboi: Now I know you all wish I was there, but I couldn't make it...'cause I'm tired! (Shows "Sleepy Cam" footage of Itchaboi tossing and turning in bed.) Itchaboi (VO): I didn't sleep well last night. (suddenly shows a close-up of him looking rather displeased with eyes glowing and veiny) WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (Back to present.) Itchaboi: Anyway, I'm here to tell you about something even better... (Shows a cruise ship called the Itchaboat) The mirabulous crewse for my mirabulous crew! Das youse! My private party bus is waiting outside to take you to the dock. And once we're at sea, I promise-promise-promise you'll get to meet...me. (Remy and the gang are excited.) Remy: We could meet Itchaboi?! Itchaboi: And the best part is: tickets are only ONE MILLION DOLLAAAARS!!! Kiki, Benny, Weezie: (suddenly dejected) Aww... Weezie: Man, what? Kiki: I can't afford that. Remy: Aww, Kiki, that's too bad...FOR YOU! WHOOOOOO! (He leaves the others behind.) Exterior Vasquez: Listen, Master Cricket. You are not allowed to talk to Master Remy. Cricket: Well, that's just fine, 'cause I wanna talk to you! Isn't it your job to protect Remy? Vasquez: Yes, so...? Cricket: Well, Itchaboi is turning Remy into a brainwashed zombie who will buy anything mirabulous, and calls his friends haters! Vasquez: That's ridiculous. Master Remy is the sweet-loving tender boy we've always known. Remy: (bursts doors open; obnoxiously) Outta my way, losers! Vasquez: (drops Cricket in shock) Master Remy! Where are you going?! Remy: I'm spending a million dollars to go live on a boat with a stranger from the internet! (Boards the Itchabus) Also, YOU'RE FIRED! FLAUNT YO STAAAAAAAAATS! (The Itchabus drives away.) Vasquez: Master Remy! Wait!! No!!! (They try to catch up but fail.) Vasquez: Okay, I see what you were sayin' now. Cricket: If Remy spends all that time with Itchaboi, he'll be lost forever. We gotta work together and stop him from gettin' on that boat! (holds out hand) Vasquez: Okay. (He squeezes Cricket's hand rather hardly it hurts.) Cricket: YOW! Green's house, kitchen Tilly: Papa? I'm really sorry about the -- (She stops; zooms out to reveal the walls and ceiling have been tiled to look like the floor.) Tilly: Ah...I see you've tiled the whole kitchen. Bill: I'm very passionate about grout. Tilly: That's why I'm here. I wasn't a very good collaborator. So I re-edited the footage to include both our ideas. (She plays the video; Bill finishes the grouting.) Bill: To finish up, you gotta tilt at a nice 360-degree angle, and voila! There ya go! (Shows him in full; a cat's ears and nose superimposes over Bill's face.) Bill: Great job, everyone. In my next video, I'll show you how to install drywall without the fuss. (He winks, and a cat's meow is heard.) Bill: Aww, Tilly! Gramma: Humph! The original was better! (The end card has been updated to include a doodle of Bill next to Tilly's.) Tilly (VO): This has been a Billy Tilly production. (A picture of Gramma suddenly rolls past.) Gramma: What's this for now? (Video ends.) Gramma: Ha, you kept it! (laughs and tumbles over) Bill: Thanks, Tilly. We make a good team. (hugs Tilly) Gramma (OS): Oh, my stitches...! Itchaboat, water (Cricket and Vasquez emerge from the water.) Cricket: (gasps) Is swimming really the best way to get here? Vasquez: I needed to get my cardio in for the day. (carries him up with the grappling hook) Cricket: Whoa! Main dock Remy: Itchaboi, I'm here! It's ya best friend, Remy! (Cricket and Vasquez hide behind one of the lounge chairs.) Cricket: Hey, there he is! Remy: Itchaboi! You here? Itchaboi (OS): Yes I am, little dude! (Reveals Itchaboi standing against the smokestack.) Itchaboi: In the fleshy-flesh! Remy: Wowwee, you're really here! Itchaboi: Whoa! No hugs yet, buddy! Before I give you any sort of validation for your behavior, a-one million dollars? (A register rises before him.) Remy: Oh, yeah! (gets out his card) Anything for you, best friend! (Cricket gasps in awe; in slow motion, Remy slowly reaches the card toward the register to be swiped, only for Cricket to plow the register to the ground.) Cricket: NOOOOO! (He lands, having grabbed Remy's card.) Remy: Hey! Gimmie back my card! Itchaboi: SQUAD UP! SQUAD UP! (Two of Itchaboi's followers rise out of a trapdoor.) Squad boys: What up, boy? Cricket: Oh... (Vasquez blocks him.) Vasquez! Vasquez: (grabs the squad boys and holds onto them) Go, Cricket! Get Master Remy off the boat! Cricket: Come and get it, Remy! Remy: (runs after Cricket) WAIIIIIT! Squad boys: (slapping Vasquez with cash wads) CASH SLAP! CASH SLAP! CASH SLAP! CASH SLAP! Remy: Gimmie back my mons, you hater! (He plows Cricket to the ground, who attacks him.) Cricket: Come on, Remy! He's not your friend! You're just an open wallet to him! You shouldn't listen to Itchaboi! Remy: And what?! Listen to you, instead?! Cricket: (losing steam) Huh? Squad boys: CASH SLAP! CASH SLAP! CASH SLAP! (Vasquez manages to toss them away, before they charge at him; the purple boy misses, while the green boy gets a life jacket thrown on him before getting tossed in the pool. He then throws the purple boy into one of the lounge chairs, which closes on him, trapping him.) Vasquez: Master Cricket! What's the holdup? (Cricket and Remy are fighting.) Itchaboi: Come on, little man! Be mirabulous! Now negate him! Negate the haterrrrr! (Remy charges, then...) Cricket: (willingly gives him the card) Here. Take it. You shouldn't listen to Itchaboi or me. You should do what makes ya happy. Because I'll be your friend either way. (Remy is touched.) Itchaboi: Ha! He's giving up! Now let's party together, little man. Just you, me, and that one million dollars. Remy: (looks at the card) That's right! I'm gonna go with the most mirabulous person I know... Itchaboi: Ha-ha! Yes! Remy: ...Cricket! Itchaboi: What? NO! (Remy happily hugs Cricket.) Cricket: Ha-ha, good to have you back, buddy! Remy: Sorry, Itchaboi. It's been real, but...I know who my true friends are. (He tosses his hat at Itchaboi, which somehow goes right through him; he digitizes, revealing he's a hologram.) Itchaboi: Ha! Got him! I WAS A HOLOGRAM THE WHOLE TIIIIIME! (disappears) Remy: Wow. What was I thinking? What do you say we get outta here, best friends? (They happily zipline down the boat's rope with the grappling hook and cheer; the view freezes and "GROUT" is superimposed over them.) Distorted voice: GROUT. Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 2 Transcripts